I-DONT-KNOW-WHAT-TO-NAME-THIS

This is really like my diary. no one knows about this but N ( so I can't put every single thing here ) and no one in the house can read this. Though I know no one will read this, I can never show my feelings about G. It's so cliche for girls to say their boyfriend doesn't care blah-blah-blah. My boyfriend often yell at me, and hang up the phone while I'm crying so loud because of him. He changed. Yea, it's so cliche for girls to say that about their boys. But he did changed. He don't even cry if I cry or not, yea he yelled at me before, but that was like once/ 2 months, but it's almost like everyday now. I don't look like a sad little girl who cries everyday in phone, then can't go to sleep because of it, I don't seem like that cuz I write this way, but I am. I don't know how to tell my feelings, a lot of times I tried to put what I feel about G here but I can never wrote a thing. All I can do is write like the post below. Not a lot can feel like I do about G, I know that. I'm not exaggerating it. A lot of times I really want to break up but I really-really can't. I was on the phone with him, and when I said that sometimes I feel like breaking up, he yelled at me. Sometimes I don't even want to meet him so I can never feel this way, so I'll never be stuck with the love I have to him.

N said thirteen-year-olds can't love. But I know I'm in a deep love, and can't get out. Though how rude he is to me, I was always loyal, while he wasn't that loyal. My feeling is too mixed up. I love him, I hate him, I really miss him, I want him to change, blah-blah-blah. I just don't know what I'm really feeling. Sometimes I hope he reads this, but I know then he'll be mad.

You know, he always seem kind in front of my friends, barely yells, we fought a lot, and it always seems like it was my fault, well part of it was my fault, but how could I be mad if he doesn't make mistakes? Everyone said it's all my fault, and I'm really f-cking tired of that and all the angel face he made in front of my friend. Can't they ever realize that he was the one who have tons of close-friends that's girls? Can't they ever realize how I'm really feeling when he broke promises! Yea, I don't allow him to contact with some girls. Everyone said I was wrong blah-blah-blah. But can't he give up one lame girl for his girl-friend? I mean it's MY business not yours! Everyone looked from his side, how about my side? Sometimes they're just so biased. Well, it's not really like that no more now though.

BUT G, CAN'T YOU EVER LOOK AT ME AND UNDERSTAND WHAT I FEEL!?

.

I hate him . .

a suprise, which weren't a suprise

okay, I'm not a smart, gifted kid. ( mostly in math ) You know, people like me, would be very proud of getting an A/95 in her test. So I got 95 in my math quiz, I was so excited ! ! 

When I got home, I unpacked my bag and get that paper out. I excitedly walk fastly to my mom's room, and show my test. And this was my mom's reaction;

"What are you doing here? ( then she saw the test) Ooh . Good. ", with no expression at all, showing no excitement, nothing, but a single word, who mean almost nothing.

another day, another cry

every time you call me, tears are wasted. is it me , being so sensitive ? . or is it you, being so hard to understand ? .

when you promised to make the week so special and sweet, you were half way there. you made it special, but it wasn't sweet. the week was full of tears, we were fighting, we were yelling. what makes this week so special, there were not a day without fighting

G.

G, I don't know why i love you so much. I don't know why I keep thinking about you . I don't know why i cry all night for you. I don't know why i feel so jealous, every time you talk to a girl. I don't know why I can't tell things about you to my friends. I don't know why I'm so close minded )):

hello people ! ( though no one but N actually reads it )

uwww . i did not post for so loooong )): i miss the blog . i've been busy with math . it's just an 8 and it's sooo hard to get ! . im currently still struggling for that white thing, but im back to post things here ! .

M is going to stay just right here

M is not only bitchy. She's damn stupid and lazy. She's not getting any score for almost the entire subject, and failed in all the subject, excluding PE. Her mom was called to school. And now it's 95% that she's not passing the grade. She's just going to stay right here, in the eight grade.
And the thing is . . she's still getting a laptop ! It's either that her parents are too kind and spoiling or they're fcuking stupid.